One day the stars will align and I will project myself out of this hole I’ve dug myself into. I’m wedged between the rocks and the breakers are pounding me. Excuse the ambiguity, but I don’t want to talk about work all the time.
I ran into someone while leaving work today and have been lost in my thoughts ever since. No, it was not a former fling or frenemy, but someone I like to call my guru. I’m a huge believer (in dinosaurs) of fate, but also of meaning-making. I learned this term in existential psychology, the best course I ever took in college. It’s something I always try to impart upon my friends and family whenever they’re down. When you’re down, there’s no place to go but up, but you have to help yourself up in the process. No one can better help or understand you than yourself. Although there’s a huge gap between thought and action, the way you externalize your sentiments is sometimes more obvious to others than to yourself. Why do we turn a blind eye? Denial, or failure to grasp the truth because we’re busy living a lie.
I’ve been super lucky in my past to have had a great support group, both active and inactive. Support systems don’t necessarily have to be consistent, live in-person, or cheesy. The littlest things can help drive and inspire you through the day, like a random act of kindness or having a humorous exchange with a barista. Help comes in various forms, through genuine people, a funny billboard, or nature. Hello, squirrels. You are funny creatures, just like that woodpecker that resides outside my bedroom window.
Despite my current mood and overwhelming sense of claustrophobia at the rocky uphill climb I am facing, I have hope. I can hope for a better day and a feeling that I belong and that I’m doing something right. I’ve been so displaced since moving to the Sillycon Valley, and I’ve been working so hard running the rat race (or hamster wheel) yet I’m surprised at the burn of the figurative lactic acid buildup. Maybe I should stop running and return to my yoga roots where I can breathe easy and really think about my next moves. Because it’s all about making good choices.